today had normal band prac like yesterday,
we always got lectures. hai_ .
anyway, we watched Howl's Moving Castle.
was superb!
but only watched halfway.
played through Hey Jude with FULL band.
and also.. the olympic ...


i realised something something terrible bout me.
i'm a real failure.
i failed in almost everything.
i was never successful.
never.
i am lousy musically,
mentally,
i have difficulties in rythemic problems.
i have problems in pitching high notes.
i can't pitch that high.
i pushed myself to e extreme,
and when i can't do what i want.
i just give up.
that's just me.
and i don't know why.
i give up in things very easily.
b'cos i have no hope and faith in myself in anything.
i dont motivate myself to do things.
i do what my interest is in.
but,
i give up soon after.
that's why everything of mine is halfway through.
i dont bother it and then leave it behind.
i once told myself that i want to be a great trumpetor one day.
maybe i should just take music as a form of my favourite activities and won't go that far in life.?
i don't knoww.
i'm not those who are musically gifted.
and those who are great in results.

i'm just lousy in band.
lousy in all e subjects.
lousy at home.
lousy in class.
lousy in e prefectorial board.
lousy in sports.

i don't fit any catergory.

what should i do.??

i'm not perfect, not anything at all.

time.management for myself sucks a lots.

i don't manage my time well.

what i do when i reach home is use e comp, thats for sure.
dinner.
and then do useless things till midnight and then sleep.

but i never watch tv.
'cept for arts central when there's a special programme on music stuffs.

i love music a lot, but i really can't play anything!

i listen to bandmusics,
symphony 92.4
and perfect10 987fm.
that all depends on my mood.

my section. trumpet.
i dontknow what to do now.
standard gone down.
same goes for me.
how to teach sec1s?
how to push them?
i am impatient
and always try to bear or endure.
i'm not good mysef, so i don't teeach my juniors.
unless no seniors are there.


i'm trying real hard..